Ok, so I haven't posted on this thing in a hell of a while. I know this is a place free from a certain degree of an aspect of my life, that I can sort of let go without having to worry about everyone's ego.
Ok, so I pretty much knew things weren't going to work out with Jennifer in California before I even went there. She told me really early on that she will not be having another child. Honestly, figured I had about a 10-20% chance of changing her mind, and the rest was just focused on how to survive without my daughter in my life every day, and what opportunities could arise.
I found out, in that sunny shit-hole in the middle of nowhere in California, that there are no opportunities, that this woman was nothing like she purported herself to be. She turned out to be a really narrow-minded, callous, and unlikeable former cheerleader with a useless throw away degree and nowhere near used the artistic talent that she possesses. Her artistic block gave me a headache, and the next thing you know, I'm finding myself doing the same bullshit that she does.
I just have to say this. Anyone who has seen the world, and really lived outside the US for any lengthy stay understands things differently than you find people who have not done so seem to think... or at least talk, maybe. Whatever its called, attitude, perception, outlook, it just doesn't match yours anymore. You try to make it match, but it always has a habit of creeping up on you, when you hear something from someone, who has not even visited a neighbor country, try to tell you about life in the world in that oh so predictably naive and overly confident muse of some vestiges of liberty and justice on a global scale. The scale that just does not exist outside this country.
Anyway, it was like the second day there and she went on about Blacks, Mexicans, then seemed to have a pretty accepting view of Asians, but defo not middle-easterners. Oh, it was a tossup between Arabs and Surenos on which posed the biggest threat to our precious national identity. Oh my fucking dogwood tree, this woman was bonkering out and simultaneously proving her abject lack of international relations, and I hadn't been there 48 hours yet.
Then, as if on queue, a court jester arrives and hands off a notice of some custody BS and other who knows what, she freaks, then I find out a pretty important piece of information here that would have been nice to know before I packed up my belonging into a big assed van and moved my life 2000 miles away from my daughter.
Not only is she fucking bonkers, but her ex-husband is like the king of all bonkerrific bonkeredity. Oh man, I was kicking my own ass, and wondering how much time it would take to get my ass outta this situation.
I tried to look for a job, and a place to stay, but it was like the whole freaking place was bonkers. This was not California, this was a toilet, that used to house cathouses for senators makin' it to Frisco, complete with not even a real playhouse, which they have now, surely showing badly acted local talent fumbling haplessley through "The Christmas Carol", while the audience remains unimpressed and wishing they had snuck a couple of Sierra Nevadas in, or how quickly could they run to the cinema to watch some other 6th week Premiere.
Truth be told, this town royally sucked ass. It was nice in some ways, but it mostly just contributed to my lack of artistic energy, and sucked out every last vestige and nugget. It took far too long to get up the shit to just go back, and deal with the juggernaut I had created for myself back in the frozen part of hell that this place happens to be right now.
So, here I am now, trying to pick up the pieces of my upside down life back in the coldest possible place I can be in the lower 48. I'm not angry about that, and I am optimistic. Maybe not rightly so..
Just found out that my landlord is going to move me to a studio, and then move me back into my wonderful apartment at full price for a renovated with a full park view, which is 38% higher than without the renovation. This I could not possibly afford, so I'm searching for a responsible person to rent a 2br with, and that doesn't mind a kid being around on the weekends. In other words, a nearly impossible to find roommate.
At least I have 6-7 weeks to accomplish this.... EEEEEEKKKKK!!!